maybe i really chose the wrong route, there's no turning back alr.

if i were to leave, will u drop a tear for me?
if i were to leave, will u grieve?
if i were to leave, will u remember me?

jerr-
6:38 PM

i'm back to blog again.. haha i guess stuff has been improving, i suppose i have better control over myself now alr but i'm still confused over some stuff.. aiya i shall see wad the doc says tmr then.

anw i just had a chat with her after so long, it was a nice feeling again, we crapped from wad ahzi will perform this sat, to jay being my fren who sms me a few days ago, to i will be the lead actress for jay's movie 2 years later cos he's waiting for me to grad then he will film a movie with me, to him telling me that he's happy abt the results of secret cos i went to watch it.. oh it was pure crap, but she could carry on with me.. haha!

then there was me saying it was so diff to be able to talk to her, to nv see her for so long, then to her working in the casino when she quits her current job to bribing her to tell me wad special thing ahzi will perform this sat and we ended our conver with ya ya ya ya s cos i was saying i look nice and she said cos i look cute and pretty.. haha!

i could say that i could chat well with her and we do get along well, but u know, some stuff just makes me ponder alot and make me feel if i shld talk to her not.. what i can say is that u wun feel much if u are not the victim, but u'll get affected by that victim..

aiya, this is confusing, but nvm i suppose things will go its way eventually.

and i suppose history cant repeat itself, cos wads lost is alr lost, mayb its time to let it go, but it feels that wads lost seems to be the one for me.

ok, dun dwell on it alr, be well.

are u back? come back fast yea? i miss u alot, and i guess they do miss u as well, and only i can find u back. thats wad queen told me(:

its gonna be a crazy sat!! and a confusing fri ..

jerr-
1:42 AM

i hope things are getting better and better, and not bad to worst, i guess i'll be alright or at least i hope i'll be alright..

many words are left unspoken, and i didnt know how to spell it out to someone, mayb thats how fate wanted me to be like, and i guess i'll hav to accept it.

you know, i've always been a perfectionist and a workaholic, regardless of sch or at work, my frens have seen the extreme side of me rushing and doing work, but all these seems to be just my memories, it doesnt reflect how i am like now.

mayb one day, i'll be the same old me again, let time heal everything and let me regain my own confidence, give me a chance to do that will you? i dislike how i am like now, and i want the old me back again.

and thanks for that few pple who spurred me on, thanks for everything. we'll be alright yea? (: i love them cos they understand and they dun misunderstand or ignore me, they're always here for me, i think we grew stronger after knowing her, she is one main reason which keeps us going(:

trusting the love we feel, trusting the love thats real;

jerr-
1:00 AM

i guess we could never be that close as i thought we can be.

you guys were the ones i trusted most, the ones which i went through most hardships with, the ones which brought me up when i fell, but there's always a gap no matter what. i dont blame you guys, cos i know i aint a good one either.

everyone has their own secrets, their own thinking and their own little story that is hidden beneath, i will nv get to know them, i will never get to see them. But i respect your privacy, its just that i'm still sad over that i cant be the one that is the closest to you, i still cant find one yet.

sisters is what we always call each other, i suppose we are that close, we dunit calls and smses everyday to prove that we are close. But i suppose both of us are too similar in some ways, both of us will feel the same way under some circumstances, but i suppose there is still another sister there for us(:

why am i saying all these? i dunno why also, just felt a lil here and there, i just need time to get over stuff and carry on, i just needed someone to care and be here for me.

sometimes there are liars all ard, but i suppose they didnt lie to me delibrately, but you know, when u're down u'll just feel that no one in this world keeps their promises to u, cos they didnt know how much their promises mean to u. what i can say is, they mean alot to me, cos they are the reasons that can convince me to be happy, they are the only reasons.

you said we'll hav lunch one day last month;
you said you'll do sth for me last month;
you said u'll give me your two cents;
you said you'll be here for me no matter what;
you said you'll get that for me;
you said you'll change so that i can change too;
but all those were lies till now, cos it wasnt fufilled yet. i'll wait for the day you fufill your promise to me.


my hand hurts;

jerr-
12:54 AM

ooh, it has been long since i updated here, someone commented that i blog every once a month, oh wells...

wad has been going on for the past month? er i'm not sure, i forgot, oh details of my bday stuff will be put up when i have more free time, and when the pics are sent to me.

today wasnt that well i guess, presentation was bad, i know i wasnt up to my own standard, i know cos she is missing, she would not give herself any chance to do badly, she would do things well and up to her standard, but i guess she was missing from me..

well, i shall stop alr, cos there are some things which i cannot put here, and for those who are reading this, please help me pray that she will come back to me soon alright??

find yourself back jm;

jerr-
12:51 AM